What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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