the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
