How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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