just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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