you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
