Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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