after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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