So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
