mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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