I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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