my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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