Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
