i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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