he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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