i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
