I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
