She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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