omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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