do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
