Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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