It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
