My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
