haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
