new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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