honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
