I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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