and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
