i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
