i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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