I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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