How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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