pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
