I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
