One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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