If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
