WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
