You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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