i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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