you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
