For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
