I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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