she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
