you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
