When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
