i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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