I'm drive I can fine osifer
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
