i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
