If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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