Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
