Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The adults are the big ones right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
