Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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