She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
did i just pee glitter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
