If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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