I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
