We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
